For the introverted, shy or anyone else who has an aversion to networking.
Networking can be excruciating for introverts and those who are shy. They will do anything to avoid it. However, building and leveraging your relationships—personal and professional aka networking— is impossible to avoid when you are in your job search. You can find the dos—have a script, arrive early and don’ts—monopolize one person’s time, forget to bring/distribute your business card. Useful but my guess is those tips have not made networking any easier if you are introverted or shy (these are not the same.)
Coaching students and recent grads, I need to help my clients get over their fear of networking in both one-on-one situations and attending events. I went searching for ideas. That’s when I stumbled upon “Mindset. The new psychology of success” by Carol s. Dweck, PhD. In her book, Dweck explains, “It’s not just our abilities and talent that bring us success—but whether we approach our goals with a fixed or growth mindset.” Simply put, a person with a fixed mindset thinks this is the hand I’ve been dealt. I have to deal with it. While a person with a growth mindset believes, my basic qualities are things I can cultivate through my efforts. How do you know if you have a fixed or growth mindset? The following is the questionnaire Dweck includes in her book.
Fixed or Growth Mindset--Intelligence. Which of these do you agree with more? (1)
1. Your intelligence is something very basic about you that you can’t change very much.
2. You can learn new things, but you can’t really change how intelligent you are.
3. No matter how much intelligence you have, you can always change it quite a bit.
4. You can always substantially change how intelligent you are.
Fixed or Growth Mindset--Character. Which of these do you agree with more? (2)
1. You are a certain kind of person, and there is not much that can be done to really change that.
2. No matter what kind of person you are, you can always change substantially.
3. You can do things differently, but the important parts of who you are can’t really be changed.
4. You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are.
I’m not going to get all psychology on you. However, Dweck’s concept of mindset makes sense to me. I wondered if I could apply her concepts to the job search and specifically, to networking to help those who have an aversion to it. I want to be clear, on this next point. I am not making a statement that introverts have a fixed mindset and extroverts a growth mindset. What am I clear on, however, is that my clients who test as introverts (according to Myers-Briggs© Personality Type Assessment) eschew all forms of networking.
A fixed mindset presents significant obstacles to networking
If you tested as a fixed mindset, according to Dweck this makes you concerned about how you are judged, and leads to a desire to look smart, and leads to a tendency to:
Change is tough. Graduating only to live in your childhood room is tougher.
I’m an introvert and those who know me well understand how shy I am. I too had a strong aversion to networking with a running dialogue in my head: I need to show how smart I am, but what if I’m not, what will they think of me, they will never want to help me if I’m not smart. Therefore, my early networking attempts were to talk at people hoping I left an impression of being knowledgeable but walking away with nothing. Then the coach who trained me as a coach said the simplest thing about coaching others, “Be interested not interesting.” I understood this meant ask insightful questions and then listen, really listen. Importantly, this challenged my way of thinking about networking.
Networking mindset change #1: Network with a desire to learn. Gathering knowledge about people, careers and jobs is a worthwhile networking goal on its own.
Of course, the ideal scenario is you see a job posting, you apply online, get a phone interview, then an in-person interview followed by a job offer. Easy. It happens. But, searching for a job in today’s job markets takes effort from having the nuts and bolts such as an accomplished-based resumé template, LinkedIn profile that tells your story to targeting companies (that’s why you need to network) to interviewing skills. You have to work hardest for the things you want the most.
Networking mindset change #2: See the effort you put in as the path to mastering networking skills. If you have played a sport, musical instrument, danced, debated or any activity, you already know the more you do it the better your results. The same is true with networking. It might never be easy for you but you can get good at it.
In my marketing career, I earned the reputation of being a champion of causes and owner of challenges. I was given the hardest problems to solve, the most difficult clients to work with and other assignments others would run away from as quickly as they could. Not me. I loved the challenge, and never worried about taking a risk that might fail.
Networking mindset change #3: See setbacks as motivating and informational. Let’s acknowledge right now that not everyone is going to respond to you in the way you want but that is not a reason to stop networking. When you persist, you will find people who, when you do your part, will help you.
Your introversion or shyness can hold you back from networking and developing professional relationships. Dweck points out that often these traits correspond to a fixed mindset. As I said earlier, in all networking situations I was concerned about judgment, which made me more self-conscious and anxious. Talking with friends who I knew to be introverted yet were exceptional networkers, I learned they too felt anxious at the onset but quickly got over it unlike me. What was the difference?
Networking mindset change #4: Take control of your introversion or shyness and look at networking (and other social situations for that matter) as just another challenge.
Taking the first step.
Imagine you’ve applied for a job. It’s the company and job you had your heart set on. You’re confident the people will like you and make you a job offer. It’s been a week or so and you’ve heard nothing. You could certainly take this a rejection.
The old mindset tells you that the job market is very competitive, so it doesn’t reflect on you. The company probably had more qualified applicants. Then that voice in your head says I’m never going to get a job, I’m not qualified to do anything. At this point you’re feeling pretty defeated and networking to get into the company is not going to happen. You’ll probably come back around to this does reflect on you and you will feel better. But, all you have done is talk to yourself. Now is the time to take the first step in changing your networking mindset and taking control of your job search.
With your new networking mindset, you would have applied for the job, and then started to find people you can talk to about the company and the position ultimately landing on a person inside the company who can get your resumé into the hands of the hiring managers. People want to help. They just need to know how.
I needed to change my networking mindset because of my work. You can change yours to get the job you want and achieve your goals.
(1) If you agree more with 1 & 2 you have a fixed mindset. If you agreed more with 3 & 4 you have a growth mindset.
(2) If you agree more with 1 & 3 you have a fixed mindset. If you agreed more with 2 & 4 you have a growth mindset.
Networking can be excruciating for introverts and those who are shy. They will do anything to avoid it. However, building and leveraging your relationships—personal and professional aka networking— is impossible to avoid when you are in your job search. You can find the dos—have a script, arrive early and don’ts—monopolize one person’s time, forget to bring/distribute your business card. Useful but my guess is those tips have not made networking any easier if you are introverted or shy (these are not the same.)
Coaching students and recent grads, I need to help my clients get over their fear of networking in both one-on-one situations and attending events. I went searching for ideas. That’s when I stumbled upon “Mindset. The new psychology of success” by Carol s. Dweck, PhD. In her book, Dweck explains, “It’s not just our abilities and talent that bring us success—but whether we approach our goals with a fixed or growth mindset.” Simply put, a person with a fixed mindset thinks this is the hand I’ve been dealt. I have to deal with it. While a person with a growth mindset believes, my basic qualities are things I can cultivate through my efforts. How do you know if you have a fixed or growth mindset? The following is the questionnaire Dweck includes in her book.
Fixed or Growth Mindset--Intelligence. Which of these do you agree with more? (1)
1. Your intelligence is something very basic about you that you can’t change very much.
2. You can learn new things, but you can’t really change how intelligent you are.
3. No matter how much intelligence you have, you can always change it quite a bit.
4. You can always substantially change how intelligent you are.
Fixed or Growth Mindset--Character. Which of these do you agree with more? (2)
1. You are a certain kind of person, and there is not much that can be done to really change that.
2. No matter what kind of person you are, you can always change substantially.
3. You can do things differently, but the important parts of who you are can’t really be changed.
4. You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are.
I’m not going to get all psychology on you. However, Dweck’s concept of mindset makes sense to me. I wondered if I could apply her concepts to the job search and specifically, to networking to help those who have an aversion to it. I want to be clear, on this next point. I am not making a statement that introverts have a fixed mindset and extroverts a growth mindset. What am I clear on, however, is that my clients who test as introverts (according to Myers-Briggs© Personality Type Assessment) eschew all forms of networking.
A fixed mindset presents significant obstacles to networking
If you tested as a fixed mindset, according to Dweck this makes you concerned about how you are judged, and leads to a desire to look smart, and leads to a tendency to:
- Avoid challenges.
- When faced with obstacles, get defensive or give up easily.
- See putting out effort as pointless.
- Ignore useful criticism and negative feedback.
Change is tough. Graduating only to live in your childhood room is tougher.
I’m an introvert and those who know me well understand how shy I am. I too had a strong aversion to networking with a running dialogue in my head: I need to show how smart I am, but what if I’m not, what will they think of me, they will never want to help me if I’m not smart. Therefore, my early networking attempts were to talk at people hoping I left an impression of being knowledgeable but walking away with nothing. Then the coach who trained me as a coach said the simplest thing about coaching others, “Be interested not interesting.” I understood this meant ask insightful questions and then listen, really listen. Importantly, this challenged my way of thinking about networking.
Networking mindset change #1: Network with a desire to learn. Gathering knowledge about people, careers and jobs is a worthwhile networking goal on its own.
Of course, the ideal scenario is you see a job posting, you apply online, get a phone interview, then an in-person interview followed by a job offer. Easy. It happens. But, searching for a job in today’s job markets takes effort from having the nuts and bolts such as an accomplished-based resumé template, LinkedIn profile that tells your story to targeting companies (that’s why you need to network) to interviewing skills. You have to work hardest for the things you want the most.
Networking mindset change #2: See the effort you put in as the path to mastering networking skills. If you have played a sport, musical instrument, danced, debated or any activity, you already know the more you do it the better your results. The same is true with networking. It might never be easy for you but you can get good at it.
In my marketing career, I earned the reputation of being a champion of causes and owner of challenges. I was given the hardest problems to solve, the most difficult clients to work with and other assignments others would run away from as quickly as they could. Not me. I loved the challenge, and never worried about taking a risk that might fail.
Networking mindset change #3: See setbacks as motivating and informational. Let’s acknowledge right now that not everyone is going to respond to you in the way you want but that is not a reason to stop networking. When you persist, you will find people who, when you do your part, will help you.
Your introversion or shyness can hold you back from networking and developing professional relationships. Dweck points out that often these traits correspond to a fixed mindset. As I said earlier, in all networking situations I was concerned about judgment, which made me more self-conscious and anxious. Talking with friends who I knew to be introverted yet were exceptional networkers, I learned they too felt anxious at the onset but quickly got over it unlike me. What was the difference?
Networking mindset change #4: Take control of your introversion or shyness and look at networking (and other social situations for that matter) as just another challenge.
Taking the first step.
Imagine you’ve applied for a job. It’s the company and job you had your heart set on. You’re confident the people will like you and make you a job offer. It’s been a week or so and you’ve heard nothing. You could certainly take this a rejection.
The old mindset tells you that the job market is very competitive, so it doesn’t reflect on you. The company probably had more qualified applicants. Then that voice in your head says I’m never going to get a job, I’m not qualified to do anything. At this point you’re feeling pretty defeated and networking to get into the company is not going to happen. You’ll probably come back around to this does reflect on you and you will feel better. But, all you have done is talk to yourself. Now is the time to take the first step in changing your networking mindset and taking control of your job search.
With your new networking mindset, you would have applied for the job, and then started to find people you can talk to about the company and the position ultimately landing on a person inside the company who can get your resumé into the hands of the hiring managers. People want to help. They just need to know how.
I needed to change my networking mindset because of my work. You can change yours to get the job you want and achieve your goals.
(1) If you agree more with 1 & 2 you have a fixed mindset. If you agreed more with 3 & 4 you have a growth mindset.
(2) If you agree more with 1 & 3 you have a fixed mindset. If you agreed more with 2 & 4 you have a growth mindset.
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